We make so much out of trusting God, as if everything we have or want hinges on our capacity to trust God implicitly, without question. As if we, who are bruised and chipped at the corners from being dropped and knocked and shoved around, could or should simply ignore all that and give ourselves again without questioning.
God knows you can’t. God knows, that must not happen. God doesn’t expect you to ignore your hard learned lessons, or bare your barely healed undersides to the careless world. God cannot condone the neglect or abuse you tolerated, you escaped, and doesn’t ask you to expose your vulnerabilities again.
And yet, how many of us who almost drowned, who almost went right to the bottom of the sea with our shoes on and our life drifting off in the current before our eyes, feel badly because we fear the water? How many of us who were dragged heaving back into the land of the living, who’s lungs still chuck up dark water and flotsam, feel we fail because we hide beneath the decks and pray for land, when others dance on the waves?
Oh, dear one. You’ve felt as though your fear and seasickness was a sign of failure, didn’t you? You felt as though your inability to risk all, to step out of the boat, was evidence of your badness and your wrongness, that they were right all along – you’re not cut out for the sea, are you?
Oh, precious one. Your life is so, so dear to your God. He brought it back when it was all but lost forever, and does not ask you to risk it all again. Your God does not disdain your fears or your hesitation. You’re loved, and so is your life. You’re valued, and so is your life. If you never put to sea again and stayed at home next the fire nursing your bruises your God would not love or cherish you less.
You may see your wish to stay on dry land – your unwillingness to walk on water – as a lack of trust in Him. He sees only the trust He has in you.
Did you forget, He first walked on water to reach you?
He still walks across the waves to reach you, darling.
Your life is precious and meaningful to Him. And he entrusted it to you to live.
He trusts you.
Look at all you have He gave you. He trusts you.
Listen to the plans and dreams placed in your heart. He trusts you.
While you’re still in the boat – before you even think to leave it and try walking on water – He trusts you.
It matters. You matter. Above all points you’ve thought needed proving, above all waves that may need walking, you matter.
Don’t dwell in those thoughts about how you failed because of fear or what you thought was lack of faith. This is not about your proving how much you trust God. It’s about your believing how much God trusts you.
Love, Jo xxxby