Sometimes in life, when things are difficult or uncomfortable, or someone is being unkind or a dick, it’s necessary for us to choose our way through the situation and out the other side. We need to take stock and personal responsibility, and move forward to bring about change. And that’s fine. In fact, sometimes the only way a positive change will happen is if we facilitate it for ourselves.
But sometimes, everything seems fine and nobody is being a dick, but still we have a feeling it’s time to change. And no matter what we do, we can’t shake the feeling, though we try and pinpoint what’s wrong or who might be doing something to make us feel like we need to go or leave or change things up, we can’t. It can make no sense sometimes, the deep, unsettled feeling we want things to be different.
It might be discontentment, and it could be we seek change for changes sake, but you know, that’s fine. Go ahead and make your choices if that’s what you need to do. Or else not, and learn to be contented.
It might be a gut feeling, our intuition telling us we need to move from this place to another, and if we’ve learned to trust that inner voice, we are less likely to look around for any other reason to make a decision to move, other than we feel it’s right for us, and feel it’s right.
Thing is, sometimes we will want to change things for no other reason than it’s time, and it’s right, and we want to.
But this can be a challenge. We may have been trained to distrust our judgement on things, or taught to ignore our intuition or gut. We may be the kind of person who needs a body of empirical evidence in order to act. We may be someone who doesn’t feel comfortable taking full responsibility for our actions, and need justifications for our decisions and actions based on what others have said or done.
In other words, we may be unable to take affirmative action for our part, unless we can attach it to a negative action on someone else’s.
I bring this up because I know some of you want so much to take affirmative action in your lives and move forward, but you feel stuck because there appears to be no problem it will solve, and no one will benefit but you. You’re looking for a reason outside of your own will or desires you can use to back up your decision, because you don’t really trust yourself. You need someone or something to blame for your choice, because it feels weird just saying “I want to do this”, and you’re afraid of appearing selfish or contrary.
I bring it up also because some of you are very confused about why you’re being blamed or held responsible for someone’s choice or decision, and they’re telling you they’ve decided to do a thing because of how you made them feel, or something you did, and rather than it being a confirmation of your suspicion you may have done something wrong, you know you haven’t done anything, literally nothing at all, not wrong or right or otherwise.
It is possible you’re a sociopath as they suggest, or just not a very nice person, or you acted selfishly or whatever it is they’re accusing you of. However, it may simply be they’d like to take some affirmative action in their lives, and they don’t know how to do it.
People sometimes create good guy – bad guy dramas around their decision making because it makes more sense for the thing they want to do to be someone else’s fault, than it does for it to be simply something they want to do.
They need someone or something else to be the bad guy in their drama, because they don’t trust their own wisdom or momentum. They do not know how to act from confidence and faith. They only know how to act from fear.
People leave marriages, church communities, jobs, homes, families and careers every day, and sometimes they bloody-well need to for their own welfare and safety. No one questions the need for us to leave an abusive situation.
However, when we have been very programmed in fear, and very trained to distrust our own gut and intuition, it can be very difficult to ever make a choice from a knowing we are right, rather than a perception someone else is wrong.
All choices to move forward in our lives require affirmative action. We can make those choices either as a victim, or as the pilot. Things can happen to us, or they can happen through us. The choice is ours.
And please know, not everyone who makes change for changes sake is selfish or unwise, and not everyone who is left behind by an affirmative action to move forward is a perpetrator.
Dramas do not make for personal responsibility. Affirmative action does not require drama to power it. You can simply choose then move forward, and that is enough, and good enough. Resist the temptation to find a litany of excuses why you need to listen to your gut and take control of your destiny. Do it because your destiny is yours to pilot.
Selah, my friends.
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