Petulant Conversations With God #1

*Petulant Conversations With God*

Me. “God, I am extremely stressed out. Don’t feel good. I think I’ll have a nervous breakdown today. Go to hospital. Lay about in a catatonic state for a while. That sounds like something I could do at the moment.”

God. “Really.”

Me. “Yes, REALLY. This is hard, this living-close-to-the-edge stuff. I’m really STRESSED OUT. I think I’m going mad. Like, crazy-mad. I want to go over the edge instead of just mincing about. I’m halfway crazy as it is. Who does this kind of weird stuff? Who does this? Yep. Right. Over. The Edge. Then maybe I’ll get some rest.”

God. “Rightio.”

Me.”Yep, I really NEED A REST.”

God. “From what? You don’t have a job.”

Me. “Oh, that’s it, rub it in. And you wonder why people blame you for the whole ‘religion slash god slash guilt trip’ stuff.”

God. “I don’t wonder. So, tell me, what would it be like if you had a nervous breakdown? How would life be different?”

Me. “Well, I wouldn’t have to worry about – you know – stuff. Money, and … stuff. About what might happen further down the track.”

God. “Right.”

Me. “I mean, I could just lie around. Only do what I need to do right now, the next thing in front of me. When you have a nervous breakdown that’s about all you can cope with, I think.”

God. “Okay.”

Me. “I could just live in the moment. Just do the next most important thing, like “I need a sandwich.” or “I need to wash the dog.” and no one would blame me, because that’s about all I could deal with.”

God. “Right.”

Me. “Because people who are over the edge get to live like that, and nobody expects anything more than that from them, and I think I’d like to be able to be like that. Just living moment to moment.”

“Right. So, lets see … to live moment to moment, and not look too far into the future, and not worry about what might happen down the track, to let perhaps things just take their course, to just do the next thing in front of you, you need to give yourself a nervous breakdown.”

Me.”Um …yes?”

God. “____”

Me. “You were saying?”

God. “.”

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