We are on an adventure. This is different from other adventures we’ve had, in that this time, in leaving home and taking time off from our jobs, it’s not a break. This is our life. We are homeless and unemployed, and traveling around living with friends and relatives until we find the place we’re meant to be. We know what we want to do when we find that place, and we’re learning how to do that while we look for it. In the meantime, we do the next thing in front of us.
We are living day to day, pretty much.
It sounds glamourous, doesn’t it? I wish I had lots of Instagram pics to show you of us walking into sunsets in remote, little-known locations, and us sitting making daisy chains in long yellow grass. I don’t. A lot of what we’ve experienced so far has been frustration. And fear. We are running low on money, and we know this will limit what we can do next. We had a job lined up at the end of our last 12 hour drive, and when we got here, we found the guy hired someone else. We are learning there are many plans we need to have beyond A, B and C. And one of those plans has to be waiting and doing nothing.
Oh, and this is going down sooooooo well with me.
Being carefree has it’s downside. Downsides.
Don’t mean to sound like a whiner. I mean, this is an amazing thing we’re doing, and I know many folks never get this kind of freedom. I’m learning so much, and most of it is about myself. I have more time to write and think about what I want to be writing about.
But you know what? Most of the time I sit around and worry about money. And I hate that about myself. Instead of writing about the things I want to be writing about, I spend a lot of time thinking about how to get money so we don’t run out. I think I’m learning a lot about how to trust God and live by faith, and how to temper this with commonsense.
So when you read something I’ve written about fear, you can pretty much bet I’m freaking out about money.
I know, I know. Everything will be okay. It’s always okay. And I mean that. It always is.
I’m learning I like to be busy. I’m learning you need your own space and control of that space as an individual and as a family. Kids need stuff to do with their time, and they need contact with their friends. Others will be watching to make sure you’re taking care of your kids needs, and will ask you a lot of questions about their schooling and their socialisation, and this is a good thing.
And you learn shopping is a national past-time, and everyone does it and it expected to do it. And you can’t go shopping when you don’t have a house to put things in, and you only have one bag for your clothes. Or a kitchen with a fridge to keep food in. Or a job to pay for it all.
I’m learning when you take away your old reasons why you don’t exercise more and eat properly, you just make new reasons. They are excuses, always were, and you realise that now, because you still don’t want to do those things even though you can now more than ever. So you can just get on and do them. Theoretically.
As frustrating as this is right now, I know it’s absolutely the plan and exactly right. This was always a learning journey, not an achieving journey. We did not set out to see a lot or cover a lot of ground, always this was about training for the next step and this is right on track. We know now what we don’t know. And this is a great place to start.
The Place. That’s what we call it. This destination we are aiming for. We are seeking it, and it is seeking us.
They used to call the guys at the rehab “seekers”, because they came there looking for something, and they found the thing they were looking for was looking for them too. That’s how we feel. Like The Place is taking us on a road to learning who we truly are and what we don’t know yet and what we will always have to trust God for, and what will never change. So while this trip isn’t comfortable, easy or predictable, it’s exactly what it needs to be. If we’re going to spend our lives helping people recover and heal, we need to know the road. We already know so much, but there’s more.
Thanks for all your prayers. May faith always win.
Love Jo xxxxby