It’s such a divisive word. When we talk about what we or someone else deserves, we’re talking about the worthiness of a person. Not their true worth, but a perceived worth, and a perceived lot according to that worth. It’s us passing judgement on ourselves, which is just a mad thing to do. Because when we pass judgement on others, we are judging ourselves at the same time. Deserve better. Didn’t get what they deserved. You don’t deserve that. I deserve this. Your value and someone else’s value, held up against each other, as if there were a big old cosmic scale of worthiness up there somewhere, with only so much blessing, mercy and joy to go around.
But there isn’t.
The economy of “deserve” is like an artwork consisting of just one word splashed across a canvas, a word describing it’s opinion of itself. “I am shit” it says. A mad thing. It’s not the arts job to decide on its own worth, value or meaning. It’s its job to simply be.
The art isn’t shit just because it says it. It’s art, is intrinsically beautiful, and has worth as a wonderful created thing.
You aren’t shit just because you think you are. You’re an amazing, complex and valuable person, are intrinsically beautiful, have worth, and are a wonderful, created being.
What if, just like a piece of art, it were your job just to simply be? What if there were not even a job, just the being?
What if everything you desire and everything you’ve experienced, everything you dream of and accept and settle for, everything you are bound by the everything you bind yourself to was not connected to what you think you deserve?
How different would your life be, if you decided you were of great worth, instead of either worthy or unworthy, deserving or undeserving?
Deserve. It’s a mad, mad thing.
Love, Jo xxxby