The problem with spending all your time trying to get perfect is it’s terribly lonely work.
You see, there are no other perfect people. Nobody is all-fixed-up, nobody has- it-all-together, nobody knows exactly what they’re doing. We are all stumbling through the half-light of this world, rubbing our spiritual eyes awake and trying desperately to see what the hell is going on. Except for the ones who are walking asleep, who have been walking along in the dark so long they think all the world is darkness.
But that’s not you.
You’re picking your way across this landscape littered as it is with mistakes, poor choices, things that happened you didn’t expect or ask for. In high heels. High heels!
Nothing to see here, your inappropriate footwear proclaims. I’m all good! Everything is fine! I’ve got this! What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger!
So you totter along in the gloom across the debris littered landscape of your life, pretending everything is fine, in ankle-breaking stilettos, and why? So everyone looking at you won’t think you’re a failure, won’t think less of you, won’t realise what a mess your life is.
So they’ll think you’re okay.
But you’re not okay.
Look, life is tricky. Everyone has their own stuff. As Ben and I like to say, everyone has the shit. Nobody is all-fixed-up. It’s an illusion. And what’s more, pretending you have it together is not only exhausting, it’s isolating. This pretense of perfection is keeping you away from exactly what it is that could be the greatest source of comfort, support, help and solace.
And that would be others.
The ones all around you who could say, if you would give them the opportunity, just what it is you need to hear the most.
You don’t need six-inch heels in this terrain, my love. You need hiking boots. You need to kick off your addiction to perfection and appearances, and get yourself some practical attire. Navigating this tricky part of your life is going to take time, energy and, most of all, allies. Pretending you’re fine, that you have all your ducks in a row, when the damn things are simply running anywhere they please, isn’t serving you. You need support, and you need friends. And here’s the thing – you know stuff. You know stuff others need. You’ve been places others have yet to transverse. You’ve got knowledge others will take years to accumulate. Your whole experience won’t be wasted, and neither will theirs, if you’ll be willing to surrender your terror of shame, and join the circle of broken, authentic sojourners on the path.
Two words hold the key, my friend. If you’ll listen for them, and if you’ll say them, a whole world will open up for you. A world of compassion, friendship, love, hope, and everything else you’ll need for this journey. Leave your useless patent leather stilettos over there in the pile, all of them abandoned by the teachers you’ve yet to meet, the friends you’ve yet to encourage, and let me whisper the password in your ear.
Here it is….
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